Maybe someone can offer some insight...
Here's the situation... I wanted to have a chilled afternoon at a pub to commemorate my third anniversay of being in the UK. I sent an evite to the relevent parties...some have partners, some don't. The thing is, I invited the people I did because they're people who have made my time here lovely and significant. One responded saying that he could come, but his partner probably couldn't. To which I thought "well, she wasn't invited!" I've only met her once, and while she seemed nice enough, and is someone I'd maybe like to get to know better, I was not sure if it was snobby of me to be a bit taken aback at his automatic assumption that she could come along too, or if that's a normal part of this "two becoming one" funny marriage business.
What are the boundaries here? Am I a jerk? Is it a wrong assumption to make that people can maintain a bit of their individual identities after they get hitched? I think it's the automatic presumption of "we" that gets to me. If he had called and said "can she come along?" I probably would have happily said yes. But what if I was planning on revealing to them all some horrible disease or condition I had been diagnosed with and having strangers there would make it difficult to do so. You never know in these situations. That's why I will never presume if I ever have any sort of a relationship. But the likelihood of that seems a long way off, so for now I will remain a grumpy and exclusive singleton.
OK. Maybe I am a big jerk.
Tricky. I'd argue that people inviting themselves over to your home (or inviting their significant others without consulting you, same diff) is bang out of order. If you're just in a public place, without reserving a room or something (and you were just chillin' at the pub, right?), where absolutely anyone could come in ANYWAY, I don't think it's as outta line. I mean, it's not like you have to set an extra place or cook any extra food; there's no invasion of privacy (although there is a slight invasion of intimacy, I guess) and the person who is kind of gatecrashing isn't doing anything that they couldn't do under normal circumstances.
ReplyDeleteIf it's not a private party or a booked venue, then fair game, I guess. IMHO, obviously.
Ah...yes...I would agree with the home vs. public place difference. Good point. And also since I said it was a chilling thing, you're probably right about the invasion of intimacy.
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